Hello my sexy single pringles! If you have ventured into the outside place at any point this month you will probably have noticed the absolutely ridiculous amount of things covered in hearts for sale in every possible location. At one point you may have even thought to yourself “Damn…I think it’s time to go home, run a bath, light some candles and cry in my loneliness over a litre of triple choc chip and self pity ice cream.”. Well, today is the day for you – happy Satisfied Staying Single Day! While seeing various cute couples around the place may bring a tear to your eye and a bucket to your mouth (that lump is your throat wasn’t emotion, it was vomit) being single can be amazingly awesome. Here’s why:
– You don’t have to write a creepy Valentine’s Day card. I mean really, some of those are cute and loving way past the point of being normal. And I mean, feelings? Ew.
– It’s totally okay to have unrealistic crushes on celebrities from afar and keep hundreds of pictures of them on your phone. People will feel pity if you’re single and won’t bring it up. (I personally think this is really weird and don’t do it, but I know many who do, so I thought I’d mention it.).
– If you don’t want to, you can put zero effort into your appearance.
– If you’re in a relationship, buying discount Valentine’s Day chocolate the day after says “I’m not really happy with the gift commercialisation forced by significant other to buy me.”. But if you’re single…go nuts. Chocolate produces the same chemical reaction in your brain as falling in love. Therefore chocolate is equal or better than love, since chocolate never has other plans and won’t break up with you. Chocolate also doesn’t care what you look like or if you’re a total bitch.
– Your boyfriend/girlfriend is completely faithful. And it’s definitely not because they’re an intangible figment of your imagination and don’t have free will.
– Instead of being in love with a person, you can be in love with your OTP. Mine is Robin and Aquaman. Robqua. It’s totally going to catch on.
– Bros before hoes, chicks before dicks, mates before dates. Friends are great. They’ll probably never dump you.
Also, this is one of my most guilty satisfied staying single pleasures…like, ever.
It’s just such a good song…I almost want a terrible relationship break up just so that I can sing/scream this at them…almost. The Dave Days version is also excellent.