May 9 – School Nurses Day

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Ahhhh, school nurses. And now, using the anonymity of the internet, it’s story time! My school features many hills and long walkways (like a lot of places) and the nurse has at her disposal what is essentially a red golf buggy with a white cross painted on front. It’s quite a good idea really. Some kid breaks their ankle playing soccer or doing something wildly irresponsible and hilarious on the playground and the last thing they want to do is walk up hill to the nurses and nearby car park. It may seem a little excessive but for the occasion when it was needed it would be greatly appreciated by those who used it.

Now the problem with this was it is not used on occasion. I swear I see that thing at least several times per week and we do not have that many people breaking bones. She joyrides that thing like a small child with a go kart and if you’re not fast enough she will run. you. down. No seriously. Considering the amount of practise she gets on that thing, you would think she would be good at driving it. For quite a while now I’ve been suspicious that she is using accidental collisions as a way of keeping her job secure – if there aren’t enough kids in sick bay she just takes the buggy out for a spin and collects a few to bring back. Golf buggys are virtually silent and are the perfect stealth kid-hunting vehicle – all it needs now is candy. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) I am yet to witness such things to validate my prediction.

And yet, I feel I have sufficient evidence.

One day I was walking across the car park and half way across was stopped by a teacher – nothing bad, just a bit of chit-chat. Both of us were stopped in the middle of the road (the teacher was directing traffic, in case that comes off as us being complete idiots) and had been stopped there for a good 5 seconds and the cars had not moved for a good 5 seconds and nothing had changed for a good 5 seconds…and then the person closest to us drove their car into the teacher’s legs. It didn’t do any harm other than give him a bit of a fright and provoke a couple of choice words but it was perhaps one of the stupidest things I’ve seen.  All of the other cars were stopped. I d0 not understand how someone with a drivers licence could do such a thing. Naturally, it was the school nurse. Not is her buggy but in her actual car, running into people. If it wasn’t cautious before, my eyes are now more peeled than the skin of an albino that has been exposed to the desert sun for days at a time.

~ Darcie Rae

 

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